Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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