reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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