Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
