maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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