i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
