I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
