Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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