New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
