i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
