You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
