NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
