He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
