All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
