Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
