you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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