why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my shit smells like andre
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
