he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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