I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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