she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
