Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
