I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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