I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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