plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
