The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
