he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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