Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
