her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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