Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
