I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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