I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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