I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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