big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
