The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
