I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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