I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
