I'm eating all of the evidence.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
vagina is talking i cant
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize
