i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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