Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
