Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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