Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
