I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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