i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
