im about as happy as oj after his trial
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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