I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
