Small penises have feelings too.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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