So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
