We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
