I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
