I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
