Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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