from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize