Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize