I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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