I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
