we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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