I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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