I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
