I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
