U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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