at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
