Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
