just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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