I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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