he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
