i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
