I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
