if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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