We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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